I'm making a new Christmas tradition
— Ali Plumb (@AliPlumb) December 11, 2021
Watching the Bob Mortimer Would I Lie To You compilation at least once a year at some point in December
This time: Christmas Day https://t.co/ZN5TQSyDsA
If Matt Hancock becomes PM we should all agree to jump up and down at the same time to sink the entire island
— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) December 12, 2021
I wish to report a murder https://t.co/pUXJXXsWyK
— Ali Plumb (@AliPlumb) December 11, 2021
We're all agreed, we'd be happy if Anton replaced Bruno permanently, yeah? #Strictly
— James Kinsley 📝 (@unclekins) December 11, 2021
A title battle we will never forget
— Formula 1 (@F1) December 12, 2021
Thank you#AbuDhabiGP 🇦🇪 #F1 pic.twitter.com/aDYvg00KuQ
Welcome to #F1, newcomers. I would say it's not always like that, but it pretty much always is. As much going on off the track as on the track. What a season, great from Max, and a classy reaction from Lewis. Next season should be fairly tasty eh?
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 12, 2021
"Thanks kid."
— ESPN F1 (@ESPNF1) December 12, 2021
Throwback to when Michael Schumacher met a young fan called Max Verstappen. pic.twitter.com/Wkk5M5hF8h
The FIA stood by the FIA…. SHOCK!! – To the courts we go I guess…
— Rob Stubbs (ロバト) (@RobertStubbs1) December 12, 2021
The problem we have at the mo is, whomever you support in F1, most people have lost a lot of confidence in race direction to an extent this year and that needs sorting out. #AbuDhabiGP
— Chain Bear (@chainbear) December 12, 2021
Max Verstappen drove like a champion all season. The issue here is with the FIA not having a fucking clue what they're doing.
— Danny (@DannyBrennan72) December 12, 2021
It isn't Max's fault that their incompetence helped him that much, much as it isn't Lewis's fault that he couldn't defend from Max at the end either.
If there's a safety car in #Strictly I'm going to absolutely lose it.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 12, 2021
Well that's quite a consolation prise! 👏🏻 #f1 https://t.co/zyDY1OQDFB
— Damon Hill (@HillF1) December 15, 2021
It’s funny how a journalist can uncover evidence but a whole police force cannot.
— Keith Burge (@carryonkeith) December 12, 2021
This was just about him playing at being Prime Minister. Worried some people will fall for it though 😕
— Scott 🌈 (@scottyp1982) December 12, 2021
I love how I, an actual GP…who was involved in the initial covid vaccination programme …has to tune in at 8pm with the public to find out that apparently we are vaccinating the entire adult population with boosters by the end of the year
— shinydoc (@irishayesha) December 12, 2021
Honestly, they’ve come up with one of the zingers of the year
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 12, 2021
[Apols: Dec said both lines, not just the punchline] pic.twitter.com/Rt9o0Gqfti
For a proper Xmas roll-out they should make it so that everyone has to return to the town they were born in for their booster.
— Marc Mulholland (@katheder) December 13, 2021
London is literally the only place in the UK that goes to Pret more than Greggs.#MonzosVeryImportant2021DataThing pic.twitter.com/o9DCDaB3dc
— Monzo 🏦 (@monzo) December 13, 2021
I mean, I hate Ryanair too, but I'm enjoying a hateful airplane company ragging on a terrible Prime Minister. Small joys where you can find them, and all that. https://t.co/Mi59dvRXhl
— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) December 13, 2021
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. KURT VONNEGUT
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 13, 2021
Heard on a train yesterday: ‘and yes, hard though it is to believe that Boris should even think about telling any of us what we should do with his track record, I would ask that you all wear a face covering on this service today.’
— Owenk (@owenk77) December 13, 2021
Still can’t see a reference to the new Sex and the City, “And Just Like That”, without thinking they’ve finally made a big-budget Tommy Cooper film
— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) December 13, 2021
What would you say is the quality you’re mainly looking for in a mince pie? pic.twitter.com/NCHhFTrMx6
— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) December 14, 2021
🎄☃️ Welcome to our Lego Winter Village 2021.
— Steve Holden (@SteveHReports) December 12, 2021
Complete with winter market, fairground, ski centre, christmas concert, train tunnel and North Pole. ☃️🎄 pic.twitter.com/kj0VBQaY3Q
British television is some of the best in the entire world. pic.twitter.com/SqbtBQnWzh
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 14, 2021
Dear @TheMuppets, we would like to propose a collaboration for a new Christmas Film. Basically it's 'It's A Wonderful Life' but with Muppets. We have no budget. Thank you.
— Dave (@davechannel) December 14, 2021
Every alumni email from your Uni:
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 14, 2021
“Please give us more money thank u x”
'Sorry we couldn't come last night. We're very low on lateral flow tests and we didn't want to waste two on your party'
— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) December 14, 2021
My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph
Subscribe to my weekly newsletter to receive my unseen cartoons: https://t.co/wpjwxrtQ6J pic.twitter.com/jJorgxSDCZ
WHAT HE WON'T GIVE NHS STAFF
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 14, 2021
A proper pay rise
Proper funding
Notice of an impossible change in vaccination policy
WHAT HE WILL GIVE THEM
Some claps
A badge
A letterhttps://t.co/QJDnuftmE4
❌NHS website crashes
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 14, 2021
❌No lateral flow tests available
❌Now no PCR tests available
It’s almost as if Boris Johnson made his announcement to distract from his lies without any plan or thought for the consequences. pic.twitter.com/wmaP56BZHm
Follow @RabbitEveryHour.
— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) December 14, 2021
You’re welcome.
Note to @metpoliceuk ask for the catering invoices – lets you know how many people were expected. Start with who signed off the expenditure & work your way down the list they will have filed on their PC in folder called 'Xmas Party' Hope that helps you clear this up #partygate
— Liz Crosbie – #AllianceNow #RebootGB #FBPE #GTTO (@CrosbieLiz) December 14, 2021
🎶 It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas 🎶 In particular like the one we had last year 🎶
— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) December 15, 2021
All I keep thinking is, "Why is the O big? WHY IS THE 'O' BIG?"
— Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) December 15, 2021
Is it supposed to be the hole in your arm?
Why is the O big? pic.twitter.com/gxqi0qKCA3
The subtext of this press conference is that we feel there is a need for more restrictions but we are willing neither politically nor economically to pay for them. The end.
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) December 15, 2021
"I see a lot of vaccinated people getting COVID so what is the point?"
— Gabriel Bosslet (@gbosslet) December 14, 2021
The point is these people aren't in the hospital.
That is the point.
This guy actually came dressed as a positive lateral flow pic.twitter.com/wxsCO468pq
— Kate Hewson (@katejhewson) December 15, 2021
V is the only letter that is never silent in English.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) December 15, 2021
We have a Prime Minister sponsored by @HulaHoopsUK pic.twitter.com/OZTy41WEgS
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 15, 2021
you know Chris Whitty knows his shit when he says ‘these data’ and not ‘this data’. I am simply not qualified to say these data.
— James🏳️🌈 (@jamesbrinning) December 15, 2021
Every single London Conservative MP who rebelled against showing a Covid test to get into venues also voted in favour of showing ID in order to vote
— Josiah Mortimer (@josiahmortimer) December 16, 2021
Friendly reminder that Fred and George once bewitched snowballs to repeatedly hit Voldemort in the face. pic.twitter.com/Aro60UbkB8
— Harry Potter World (@PotterWorldUK) December 12, 2021
I still can't stop saying Omnicron.
— Daisy Buchanan (@NotRollergirl) December 17, 2021
lib dem energy level
— mutable joe (@mutablejoe) December 17, 2021
🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨💯 https://t.co/OGJsMUaTFx
When we invent time travel, it will be illegal to travel to a time before Covid, due to the risk of infecting an unprotected population. Hence no time travellers so far. They should start arriving soon.
— James Harkin (@JamesHarkin) December 17, 2021
Just saw:
— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) December 17, 2021
A mum carrying a toddler, stopped by shop door to put toddler down and put mask on.
Toddler: "Mummy mouth go?"
Mum: "Mummy mouth go."
Wow.
just witnessed an ice cream man’s funeral and all the ice cream vans came and followed in solidarity I AM SOBBING pic.twitter.com/bJhyJj4JoK
— Louisa Davies (@LouisaD__) December 17, 2021
My son keeps telling people in school we are rich- we certainly aren't me and my wife's salary is 48k combined pre tax- but then his friend came for tea and was shocked we weren't wearing coats at the table as his parents can't afford to heat the house and it made me realise
— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) December 17, 2021
Chris Witty should announce sternly that it's now clear the number of people who despise Johnson is doubling every two days, and we have to accept it will have affected everyone by Christmas, especially anyone who's been in close contact with him.
— Mark Steel (@mrmarksteel) December 17, 2021
FACT. Revelations about Downing Street Xmas parties have a higher R number than Omicron.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 17, 2021
'Twas the week before Christmas
— Dave (@davechannel) December 17, 2021
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Because everyone was too afraid to go outside or interact with each other in case Christmas gets cancelled again
If anyone hasn’t seen any @taskmaster I urge you all to watch it. From the beginning and you WILL love it!! little @AlexHorne will agree with me. Watch it. That is all. Bye!
— Amanda (@Am4n84) December 17, 2021
When driving home for Christmas, always ensure you keep checking the Rea view mirror.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 17, 2021
North Shropshire swing: 28,874
— Count Binface (@CountBinface) December 17, 2021
Boris Johnson’s majority: 7,210
Dominic Raab’s majority: 2,743
There’s only one thing stopping me licking my lips. I don’t have any lips.
Who, like me, can’t wait for the day when we won’t need to vote ‘tactically’ but can vote for our first choice without worrying it will be wasted? That day will come when we finally upgrade our democracy and adopt fair votes. #ProportionalRepresentation
— Graham Simpson (@grahambsi) December 17, 2021
'Driving Home For Christmas' by Chris Rea has now charted in 16 separate years, spent over a year in the top 75, has reached a peak of number 11 three times, but has never reached the top 10. This week it is number 17. Will it finally get into the top 10 next week?
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 18, 2021
How many effing parties were happening in Westminster last Christmas it sounds like Freshers Week in there
— Harriet Marsden is harriet1marsden on Threads (@harriet1marsden) December 17, 2021
Your bookshelf needs books like these 📚 pic.twitter.com/RU8VdIVwvK
— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) December 18, 2021
“once covid ends” starting to sound a lot like “when the dfs sale ends”
— Jamie (@Jamie10__) December 17, 2021
In all seriousness:
— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) December 18, 2021
At such a strange time, going into Christmas with so much hope and fear about, I feel like all four of these dancers and all six of these dances have conveyed the power and triumph of the human spirit. Well done all of them, and thank God.
👏
❤️#Strictly
Anton has been a revelation as a judge. He brings heart, charm and a new perspective to the panel. If they don’t keep him on next year, they are mad #strictly
— Ed Gleave (@EdHotTV) December 18, 2021
Rose and Giovanni winning #Strictly means that Italy have won this, Bake Off, the 100 metres, Euro 2020, the high jump (with Qatar) and the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest.
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) December 18, 2021
*Frosty The No Show Man* – you can have that one for tomorrow subs… https://t.co/irVxnpFQMi
— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) December 18, 2021
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?